I’m so excited to introduce you to…
SIDEKICK: THE MISADVENTURES OF THE NEW SCARLET KNIGHT
by Pab Sungenis
Publish date: March 12, 2013 by Month9Books, LLC
Bobby Baines is in high school, which is bad enough. But things go from bad to worse when his hero, Scarlet Knight, dies. Bobby is forced to take up his mantel, becoming the new Scarlet Knight. Only Scarlet Knight never had to deal with eeking out a passing grade in math, keeping his fellow sidekicks in check, or stopping a giant squid from bearing down on his high school and crushing everyone inside. All this while trying to get the girl! It’s going to take a lot more than a cape, sword and fancy watch to fill Scarlet’s Knight’s shoes. After all, Bobby Baines is no super hero, he’s a Sidekick!
Monday morning homeroom saw me sitting at my desk, desperately trying to finish my Spanish homework, which had something to do with explaining to some idiot, over and over, that all the boys in that particular town in Spain did on Sunday was go watch soccer.
“¿Que hizo Félix hasta el Domingo?” Félix fue al juego de fútbol.
THOOM. Okay, that sound couldn’t be good.
“¿Que hizo Enrique hasta el Domingo?” Enrique fue al juego de fútbol.
THOOM. I ignored the scrape of chairs as my classmates headed to the windows. I would finish this before second period.
“¿Que hizo Hector hasta el Domingo?” Hector no fue al juego de fútbol. Hector sedució las novias de Félix y Enrique. Que estupidos son Félix y Enrique.
The gasps and screams of the other students told me that maybe I’d better leave the soccer-obsessed Spanish kids alone for a while and see what was going on. With a sigh, I shut my Spanish book and joined the crowd at the windows.
Monster. Big monster. With tentacles. Coming out of the ocean and heading directly for the school.
“Excuse me, Miss, I need to use the bathroom.”
I’d prepared for this moment. I’d known that sooner or later my job would require me to leap into action during the school day, so I’d planned out my actions step-by-step. Retrieve gym bag from locker. Pop into bathroom. Change into costume. Slip out of the building unseen (easy to do when people are distracted by, say, some Lovecraft-reject readying itself to smash your school into bits) and deal with the problem. Before heading to the beach, I flew a wide circle away from the building to make sure no one would be able to figure out I was coming from the school and then hovered in front of, but a safe distance away from, the newcomer.
GREETINGS, MORTAL. The creature didn’t actually make any sound, which meant telepathy. I hate telepathy. It always gives me migraines.
“I am the Scarlet Knight, defender of this city. Identify yourself and your intentions.”
MY NAME IS UNPRONOUNCEABLE BY YOUR TONGUES. YOU MAY REFER TO ME BY THE CLOSEST WORD IN YOUR LANGUAGE.
“And what is that?”
Bile rose into my throat. I really did not need this on a day when I had a homework backlog that could choke a humpback whale. Hm. It could choke a humpback whale, but could it choke an overgrown squid? Maybe I should have brought my Spanish book with … no, focus on the job at hand.
AND MY INTENTIONS ARE CONQUEST. I SHALL LAY WASTE TO YOUR PUNY CITY AND USE ANY SURVIVING HUMANS AS TOOTHPICKS WHILE I FEED ON …
I stopped listening. I grabbed the staff off my belt, extended it, and quickly yanked some wires out and twisted them together while the big lump of calamari went on about the horrors it was planning.
DO YOU HAVE A FINAL STATEMENT, MORTAL? A PLEA, PERHAPS? The voice in my head sounded hopeful.
“Yes.” I pushed a button and felt the heat as the stun gun feature started to overload. “My final statement is, ‘I don’t have time for this shit today!’”
I flung the now-spitting staff at Fluffy. It landed in the water directly in front of him, and electricity arced into the beast. I watched the guts of the staff burn themselves out, sending even more bolts of electricity all over the surface of the beast. Pain seared in the side of my head as he screamed telepathically, and then, as the staff gave up its last, he turned tail and fled back out into the ocean.
It annoyed me to lose that staff, but I wasn’t going to argue with the results.
Satisfied that Fluffy now knew better than to mess with a high school kid on a deadline, I flew back to school and managed to get out of costume and back to homeroom just in time to pick up my stuff as the bell rang. Fluffy may have failed to destroy the city, but he had managed to ensure that the world would never know exactly what happened with Felix, Enrique, and Hector.
Born in the swamps of Southern New Jersey, Pab Sungenis developed a childhood fascination with cartooning and drew a daily strip for his own amusement for two years before realizing he couldn’t draw. He wound up in broadcasting, worked for numerous stations including WSBU, WOND, WMGM, WSKR, WBNJ, WWBZ, and WKTU. He describes his drawing ability as like that of “a mentally challenged rhinoceros on a Ny-Quil bender”, but thanks to the wonders of photo-manipulation and computer image editing, on February 8, 2006 he found himself creating The New Adventures of Queen Victoria, which has appeared ever since, first on Comicssherpa.com., and now in online syndication with gocomics.com. Pab Sungenis is available for quotes, signings, video or podcast appearances, and all opportunities relative to SIDEKICK: THE MISADVENTURES OF THE NEW SCARLET KNIGHT.
TOUR WIDE GIVEAWAY:
Grand prize includes a print copy of SIDEKICK: The Misadventures of the New Scarlet Knight, Kick-Ass DVD, and a Superhero mask set. Grand prize is open to US residents only.
Five ebook copies of SIDEKICK: The Misadventures of the New Scarlet Knight will also be given away, open internationally.
Goodreads SIDEKICK: The Misadventures of the New Scarlet Knight: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16043693-sidekick
Barnes and Noble SIDEKICK: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/sidekick-pab-sungenis/1113855264?ean=9780985029456
Book Depository SIDEKICK: http://www.bookdepository.com/Sidekick-Pab-Sungenis/9780985029456
Pab Sungenis Website: http://sungenis.com
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Pag Sungenis’ New Adventures of Queen Victoria Website: http://www.newadventuresofqueenvictoria.com/
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